How to Strengthen Our Children’s Self-Confidence
Now more than ever, the challenges of the pandemic highlight the need for mental resilience and the ability to cope with uncertainty. And why is it good that they also feel frustration?
The disruption of routine, absence from educational settings, and the general tension brought by the pandemic distance our children from what is familiar and safe. This makes it harder for them to develop the mental resilience needed to face the challenges of this period. Therefore, it is more important than ever that we take on an important task: helping our children build self-confidence.
When I ask parents about the one trait they want to equip their children with, almost everyone answers “self-confidence.” But when I ask what exactly self-confidence is, I receive varied responses and understand that the definition differs between parents and families. It is important to know that self-confidence is the backbone of a person. It is the ability to rely on internal strengths, to think and believe that these strengths will help us cope with different situations. Self-confidence is not the ability to succeed it is the ability to deal with failure or difficulty.
These days, the self-confidence of many children and teenagers is challenged. Staying at home confronts them with questions about essence, meaning, and personal identity. Many are troubled by comparisons on social media, others by learning or social experiences. The ability to cope with difficulty is significant, and it will determine whether the child collapses under the challenge or fights, overcomes, and continues forward.
As parents, we have an important role in our children’s lives, especially in shaping their mental resilience and building their self-confidence. At the same time, we also have a role in undermining it, even unintentionally. We all know life presents many challenges, and we do not always control them. But the ability to cope without collapsing demonstrates self-confidence and resilience. A child who grows up feeling loved, needed, and capable will be able to face life’s challenging tasks.
How do I know if my child has high self-confidence?
We can answer this by observing children in different situations. Check how your child reacts when they fail or cannot accomplish a certain task. As parents, we want our children to be happy, and children learn about themselves from what they hear from us. We are their mirror. On one hand, we want them to know they are valuable and capable, to understand their strengths, and believe in their abilities. On the other hand, we want them not to be overconfident.
Even at very young ages, parents are impressed by everything their children do. We smile at them, laugh and play, and tell them they are talented and good thus we nurture them, and they absorb belief and confidence.
We want them strong and independent but not overconfident.
We enjoy complimenting and encouraging children, which naturally strengthens their self-confidence. However, sometimes we exaggerate: “You are the smartest,” “You are the best dancer,” “You are the best soccer player.” A child who hears they are the most talented or smartest will encounter others who are more talented or smarter, creating disappointment. This is the moment when a gap arises between what parents said and reality. When the gap occurs, we are not there to support or remind them. This gap shakes and undermines self-confidence. Continue to strengthen and compliment children, but avoid exaggerations. Let children be themselves, without comparisons to others.
Failure as an Opportunity for Learning
Even if we compliment children, there may be moments when we get angry at them. In that instant, we may say something hurtful, and the compliment is erased, along with the sense of confidence. I suggest viewing the situation differently, from a positive perspective. The child is not satisfied now, okay, but this does not mean we should rush to make them happy. Let them face frustration and life. Rejoice because at that moment, your child is training for life’s tasks. Even for us, seeing the full picture takes time, so why expect the child to immediately feel happy when disappointed or frustrated?
Dealing with Frustration
It is important not to panic at failure, but to see it as a learning opportunity. Let the child cope and do not rush to solve problems. This starts from a young age, when the child comes home sad because the teacher was angry with them, and continues through different life experiences. In such cases, you can contact the teacher to resolve the issue, but you can also let the child deal with the emotion themselves. For example, suggest they approach the teacher and express what bothers them.
There is a difference between wanting our children to be happy so we feel successful and the moment when the child walks around sad and disappointed. We immediately want to fix, arrange, or improve their mood. It is important to remember that our goal as parents is to help them see the bigger picture, to zoom out and observe from a distance. This will happen later, calmly. To allow this, we must acknowledge the difficulty children feel. Let them know it is okay to be dissatisfied, frustrated, or disappointed.
How to Strengthen Self-Confidence
Self-image is built when a person believes and knows they have resources, traits, and areas where they are good and capable, allowing them to handle less successful parts. Here are some tips to build confidence:
- Emphasize effort and the process, not just the outcome, whether the child succeeds or not. Empower them for their persistence and reflect their good qualities.
- Give children responsibilities at home. A child who knows they are trusted will grow believing they are reliable and needed.
- Consult with children. Ask for their opinion on various topics, giving them a sense of significance and value.
- Identify and strengthen their strengths. Allow children to express their strong sides.
- Accept less “good” traits. When a weakness appears, accept it and show children that it is okay to have less favorable traits, as they can always rely on their strengths.
Overall, focus on positive traits and good deeds, and empower children. Avoid focusing only on what is not working. For example, if a child is shy and constantly reminded to overcome it to make friends, it reinforces shyness rather than encourages social growth. Remember, children do not improve from negative comments.